Less Than Perfect
by ChishionoTenshi
Summary: *Finished* Hermione has spent all her life pretending about her home life, but can Snape teach her that people do marry for love? Please review!
1. Disclaimer

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. All characters related to Harry Potter are property of JK Rowling.  
  
Note: Later chapters may include NC-17 material. Please regard all notes at the beginning of chapters. And please, don't flame me, as it is hot enough in here already.  
  
I do not condone physical relationships with persons under the age of 18, however I do understand that people are ready for sex, mentally, emotionally and physically at different times. 


	2. Dear Diary

I never knew what life was until I glimpsed that forbidden tryst. Or what I was certain was a forbidden tryst. My mother, in the arms of another man. I went to tell my father, confused by this action, and he took me aside.  
  
"Hermione, darling, your mother and I have something we've been meaning to tell you."  
  
I never knew how much your life could change with five little words. What my father told me both broke my heart and started my mind into overdrive.  
  
"We didn't marry for love."  
  
"Doesn't everyone marry for love, Daddy?"  
  
"No, darling. Mommy and I married for money. We both had it, and it provides us with security. Don't worry, you are as much my daughter as you are your mother's."  
  
My God, did he not understand anything? For ten years I had been living in the midst of a lie! I was a lie! Children were the product of love in a marriage! Every child but me.  
  
I am fifteen now, and on my way back to school. None of my friends understand why I do not indulge in fantasies of love. Even when Vicktor Krum had asked me to accompany him to the Yule Ball, I had no illusions about what he would want. I pretended, as I have for years. If anyone had asked for my true feelings, they would have been surprised at how bitter they were.  
  
No, I no longer believe in love. Girlish crushes will only hurt me in the end. It is time I acknowledged the only thing that makes a man and woman lie together: lust. Lust is the true reason children like me are born. No matter what my parents tell me, I am not the product of love; not truly loved as others.  
  
There you have it. I, Hermione Granger, am a child of lust, and thus I will never be loved. 


	3. The Problem

"Children, I would like to announce that our top score in the most points given to a single student last year once again goes to Hermione Granger." Applause broke out in the Great Hall. Hermione, however only gave a small nod, and no smile. Dumbledore was beginning to worry.  
  
"Now, please do eat up the good food. All we can hope is that you all will follow Miss Granger's good example, and do your best to earn points for your houses."  
  
As the children dug into their plates, Dumbledore studied Hermione. That frown was growing more prominent every year. It made him think that perhaps Miss Granger's home life was no longer as happy as she had insisted to her fellow Gryffindors one year.  
  
  
"I just don't talk about my parents because they're boring. You know, all work and lovey-dovey. Nothing exciting like Ron's parents."  
  
  
"Minerva, might I enquire if you happen to know the status of the Granger's marriage?"  
  
"Er, well yes. But I don't know that Miss Granger would like me spreading it around."  
  
"Then they have set the date of their divorce?" Dumbledore asked, before taking another sip from his goblet.  
  
"Yes," Minerva McGonagall sighed. She glanced down at Hermione, who had forced a smile onto her face. "Her birthday, this year."  
  
"Her birthday?" Severus Snape's cold voice interrupted. "Forgive me if I was mistaken, but I was led to believe her parents actually cared for her."  
  
"As were we all," Minerva said bitterly. "Anyone who could so carelessly pick their own offspring's date of birth as their date of separation is either very stupid, or extremely cruel." 


	4. The Best of Intentions

I wish I could say I was a good man. I wish I could say that my intentions towards this girl were entirely pure. True, I felt she deserved much more than life had given her. But she had been haunting my impure dreams from the time she was fourteen, and I first noticed that she was becoming a woman.  
  
Yes, I lusted after her. However, I also respected her intelligence, and our relationship as a student and a teacher. So, in the beginning, my only intention was to give her something to distract herself from the unhappiness she would soon experience. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, this is not what it became.  
  
My years as a Death Eater taught me to guard my expressions well. Otherwise, I know she would have guess the truth much earlier. The question that haunted me was what she would think of me. I should have guessed that someone in so much pain would not think to question my motives until much later. . . Until I had already shown her the truth. 


	5. The Assignment

"Miss Granger, I would like to see you after class. And ten points off for your runny potion, Mr. Longbottom. I'm sure you'll poison us yet."  
  
No matter how Hermione wanted to protest Snape's treatment of Neville, she was intrigued by being asked to see him after class. Certainly she was not in trouble? Not a chance, she told herself. Not this early in the year.  
  
Quickly rushing through the rest of class, and making sure to clean her hands and cauldron thoroughly, Hermione braced herself for some sort of reprimand from Snape. He looked her potion over, and frowned, but did not snarl or take points from her. Neville, on the other hand, was so unlucky with his potion, that Snape told him he had better hope that it was not possible to start the year with negative house points.  
  
Finally, everyone was gone, and Snape turned his attention to her. For one wild moment Hermione wondered if he was goining to kill her, so intense was his stare. To her surprise, merely said,  
  
"I have decided to allow you to help me on a small project. If you accept, let there be no doubt about how much you will help. You will copy notes, legibly, and do the majority of "grunt work," as you students are fond of calling it. Am I understood?"  
  
"Yes sir. . . but why me?"  
  
"Truthfully, Miss Granger, I believe you are one of my best students, and I know you will be silent if I tell you to be so. Do you accept? If not, quit wasting my time."  
  
"Er. . . I do. I was just startled. Thank you for the oppurtunity, sir."  
  
"I expect you tonight after dinner. Be sure to keep up with your other classes, or I will fins someone more capable to assist me. You are dismissed," Snape snapped as she hesitated. Hermione collected her bag and raced out of the classroom at top speed.  
  
Returning to his desk, Snape allowed himself a moment of realization. Placing a pale hand to his forehead he wondered aloud,  
  
"What the hell did I just do?" 


	6. I Want to Let Go

A/N:  
  
Just to comment on the shortness of the chapters: I have deliberately made them short so I can update sooner. They get longer as we go along, I promise. I will ALWAYS post up two chapters at once. The first will be a diary entry, the second actual story.  
  
Gratuities:  
  
Jerica: Eep! Spelling errors? *curses softly* Thanks for the heads up on those.  
  
Labrisa: I didn't know know it was sensual, but I did try to make it personal. Thanks for your kind review.  
  
Goddessnmb1: I only said it might. I personally doubt it will. I'm a wuss at letting anyone read lemony work by myself. And what is WIKTT? I've heard of it, but I am ignorant as to what it is.  
  
Tracy: Well, how about six more? ;)  
  
Novtilwen: Thank you for your review. Would that I knew where I was going. ;)  
It is strange. I have never been invited into any circle willingly. Harry and Ron accepted me because they saved my life, not for any true liking of my personality. Lavender and her friends have little use for me, unless they have a homework assignment they do not understand. Ginny Weasley has always been a good ear, but not good for advice, for she normally seeks mine.  
  
While I appreciate that my teachers encourage me to learn, I feel as if I am drowning in all this knowledge. I try to bury out the truth of my life by studying the lives of others. For all my love of my friends and learning, I feel as if I have forgotten how to express my true feelings. Perhaps I have.  
  
Perhaps this is why I try so hard to be noticed for learning. Professor Snape is right when he calls me a 'know-it-all.' I am. I have no excuse, save this is what keeps me from disappearing entirely. I have no other way to identify myself. Would that I did. Would that someone could point it out to me, so I could let go. 


	7. Cold and Alone

"Hermione, where are you going?" Ron demanded. "The tower is this way!"  
  
"I'm working with Professor Snape on a project, remember? I have to hurry, or I'll be late. I'll see you both later," Hermione insisted, ignoring the looks of horror she recieved. Harry followed her, while Ron stayed rooted to the spot, mouth hanging agape.  
  
"Extra time with Snape?! Hermione, this is the man who calls you a know-it-all and is constantly taking points from you for knowing your stuff!"  
  
"I am a know-it-all, Harry. And he's right; I shouldn't help you so much. You can do it on your own. I promise if he gets to be too much, I'll tell him I'm through," Hermione assured her concerned friend.  
  
"But 'Mione-"  
  
"Look, Harry," Hermione began a bit angrily. "This is what I do best, isn't it? Until you can find something I'm better at, this is what I'm going to do!"  
  
" 'Mione," Harry said gently, and his tone made Hermione feel terrible. " 'Mione, I'm just scared that you'll let him get to you. Promise me if he is nasty, you'll come and tell us. Please?"  
  
"I will, Harry. I will." The two friends embraced, Harry holding Hermione just abit tighter than he always did.  
  
"Take care, 'Mione. See you back at the tower."  
  
"See you," Hermione called after her retreating friend. Turning back to the dungeon stairs, she suddenly felt very cold, and very alone. 


	8. My Obsession

A/N: I've decided to put up four chapters this time, because I have four chapters. Each "story" chapter is getting progressively longer, so don't worry about how short the "diaries" are. And if anyone thinks someone is out of character, bring your beef to me, so I can explain, or not. ;)  
  
Gratuities:  
  
Jerica: Thank you, and here is the more you are looking for.  
  
The Stars Hold Nine Serpents: Thank you. I like to get into their heads too.  
  
dedanaan: Well, her parents are probably nice, just not interested in loving each other. Or anything besides their money, for that matter. I don't think we'll actually see them, but perhaps a letter or three from them.  
  
McNa: The dialogue was from Hermione's memory, and as we all know, memories are sometimes not the most reliable things. And yes, I should be doing more describing, but I'm a dialogue freak. ;) Promise to give them some time to sit somewhere and reflect on their idiocy soon.  
  
Allore NightShadow: Slowing down will take a bit of doing. In real life there isn't that much time, and I'm going to give as realistic an impression as I can. Which includes the abruptness in the relationship forming between Hermione and Snape.  
  
Eternal Queen: Thank you! And I am!  
  
Katie Scarlette: Goodness me, I'm blushing! I've never had so many compliments at once! Except for my frind Tori who always says "Yay! Story!" I will try and live up to your expectations.  
  
Story:  
  
When she stepped into my classroom that night, I wanted to go over and hold her. Her normal mask was gone, and she seemed so very small and frightened. I knew I could not; instead I carefully watched my words and made sure she did not bear the brunt of my bad mood.  
  
This was how it would go for the first week. Then I realized that she was slowly beginning to put up her shields again. I was about to lose that one small view into her feelings. Or so I was willing to believe.  
  
I will admit: I was frantic. I wanted more than anything to see what no one else could. As I tried to find ways to get her to stay open, a thought was repeating itself over and over in my mind.  
  
"You're acting like a Death Eater. You want power over her. You want to control her."  
  
And I did. I wanted to be the only one who could make her smile, cry, laugh, and scream. She was becoming an obsession. But she was my obsession! And that made all the difference in my mind. 


	9. Letter From Home

"Have you finished that list yet?" Snape growled. Looking up, Hermione pointed to the scroll next to her.  
  
"I finished it fifteen minutes ago, sir. I thought you heard me say so." Snatching the list from the table, Snape went over her handwriting. Neat, and precisely ordered, as well as being all-inclusive, her list was more than most Potion Masters bothered with.  
  
"It will do," he grumbled. Truthfully, he was impressed with her dedication. She had not missed a single assignment in any other class, yet she spent almost two hours every night in his dungeon, being the closest thing to his personal slave that Snape had.  
  
"Stop that," he growled to himself mentally. Thinking of her in that light would only complicate matters.  
  
"Sir, what is this potion we are working on? If I can ask you that," Hermione added hastily.  
  
"It is a simple medical potion, and that is all you need to concern yourself with," Snape told her sharply. He saw her bite her lip and wanted to apologize, but squelched that urge.  
  
The hooting of an owl brought their eyes to the door. A barn owl gave an irritated hoot, and dropped a letter on Hermione. Surprised, she dug into her pocket and gave the owl two knuts. With another hoot, the owl flew out of the classroom. Hermione began to tuck the letter away, but Snape drawled,  
  
"I would like to know what is so important that it could not wait until after you had finished assisting me."  
  
Reluctantly, Hermione opened the envelope. After scanning the first few lines, Hermione burst into tears. A cool hand placed itself on her shoulder, and the tone Snape used was almost gentle.  
  
"Miss Granger?"  
  
"It's my mum and dad," Hermione managed to gasp out. "They want me to pick who I want to live with."  
  
"I was not aware that detail had not been settled," Snape began.  
  
"How can they ask me that?" Hermione demanded angrily. "They're my parents! It's like asking me who I love more! I don't fucking want to live with either of them!"  
  
"Language, Miss Granger. I understand this is upsetting. Put away your things. We can finish this research tomorrow."  
  
"Thank you," Hermione said, scrubbing away her tears, and tucking the letter away. "But I think I should stay and finish. I promised to help, and I will."  
  
"Then finish that transcription," Snape said, admiring her tenacity. "But after that, you will return to the dormitory."  
  
"Yes sir." Bending her head back down over her papers, Hermione tried not to think about the letter anymore. Tomorrow, she promised herself, tomorrow, she would write her aunt. Maybe it was time to make a decision of her own. 


	10. There are Things

A/N: Just a thought. Where would everyone like to see them have their first kiss? After all, I can think of plenty of places, but a poll might help me decide something original.  
  
Story:   
  
There are things I don't tell my friends. I did not tell them about my parents divorcing. I did not tell them that I had to choose to live with either my mum or my dad. I did not tell them that I decided to ask to stay the summer at Hogwarts.  
  
There are things I don't tell my parents. But I did write them back after that letter. They had interrupted a perfectly good night's research with their petty arguments, and I wanted to tell them off for it. I wish I had not.  
  
They sent me a letter the next day, and I have decided that it would be best if I stopped writing them all together. My aunt Tiffany has agreed to take me into her custody under their noses. If only I felt happy about this. I wonder if I have lost my smile forever.  
  
Maybe I need a boyfriend. It would be nice to feel loved. Ha! Loved? I have made myself laugh; not a nice one, but bitter. I think I am worrying the girls. But I worry myself now. I miss my childhood. I miss everything I used to not know. 


	11. Troubles and True Colors

"Now, who can tell me why pixies are so dangerous?" There was silence in the classroom. "Anyone? Miss Granger, surely you can enlighten us."  
  
"If I were to answer that Professor, it would be detremental to the other students learning abilities. I would appreciate it if you did not insist that I can answer for all my classmates."  
  
Harry's expression was one Colin Creevey would have loved to captured on film. In fact, the expression on any person in the class, besides Hermione, would have made for very interesting photographs. The silence lasted several long arduous minutes. When the professor recovered, attention was quickly diverted from Hermione's last statement.  
  
"Well, er, as anyone can tell you, pixies are mischievous, and love to torment and tease other creatures. The range of creatures include horses, humans, and even spiders."  
  
As the professor carried on with the lecture, Hermione stopped listening. She had read the chapter, and she knew all that she would learn from this class. Twirling a piece of hair around her finger, Hermione contemplated her situation.  
  
Nothing was going right. Her classes held no more appeal than eating worms. She found the only break from the monotony of the day on Mondays when the others had Divination, but her Arithmancy class ended a half-hour early. She would go outside and sit on the grass, waiting for the beginning of the next class to pull her back into the boredom of everyday life.  
  
When the professor excused the class, Harry instantly cornered Hermione outside the room. Ron stood at his side, arms folded across his chest. Giving a sigh, Hermione asked,  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"What was that about Hermione? You love to answer the teacher's questions! Snape's getting to you, isn't he?"  
  
"No, he isn't! For your information, he's a very considerate partner, and I haven't heard a single word of reprimand from him yet."  
  
"That I don't believe," Harry said, scowling. "If he isn't the problem, then what is? I've never seen you so grumpy."  
  
"Maybe the problem is none of your business!" Hermione snapped. "Now, I'd appreciate it if you would leave me be!"  
  
Hermione did not stay to hear what Harry would say. Angry, sad, and in all, utterly miserable, she had no wish to hear the critisism. Nor did she want to answer all those questions. Eyes spilling over, she was not watching where she was going.  
  
"Miss Granger, if this is the way you greet everyone, I would suggest you rethink the meaning some strangers would assign this gesture."  
  
"Sorry," Hermione murmured, not wanting to show her face to the Potions Master. Not only was she crying, but now she was red from the embarrassment of nearly mowing down a teacher.  
  
"Are you crying, Miss Granger?"  
  
"Yes," Hermione said, through gritted teeth. Great, now she had given him the perfect oppurtunity to humiliate her even more.  
  
"Come with me. I believe I have a potion to cure that. And five points from Gryffindor for your carelessness." 


	12. Need for Another

A/N: First, as I said before, the chapter are short so that you all can enjoy this with frequent updates. STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT IT! I will not change my format, as I find it fun. And I'm surprised there were no comments about any character issues. But I hope to recieve some critisism about the STORY itself from you guys soon. Finally, please excuse the tardiness of this chapter as I had a rather crazy week last week. Thanks for your lovely reviews!  
  
Gratuities:  
  
Katie Scarlette: I'm STILL blushing! ;) And thank you for your suggestion. My friend Vert has come up with the place for their first kiss with your idea that it should be unusual. And the potion? Heh-heh. I think Snapie doesn't know.  
  
flying* duck: More there is!  
  
Eternal Queen: Continuing!  
  
Goddessnmb1: Thank you for telling me about WIKTT. I had been confused for SOOOO long. And thank you for the other archive as well. I am always happy to oblige by adding more chapters, and I promise story chapters shall get longer. Look out for strange things to happen to Hermione soon! ;)  
  
Jerica: Thanks for being patient. I hope you are enjoying reading this as much as I am enjoying writing it.  
  
lil pixie: Mine too! But don't worry. Snape's going to get under her skin any way he can.  
  
hasapi: Thank you. And Snape doesn't actually know yet. Hee-hee. Bad Snape.  
  
Silmaril: There's more than two sentences in each entry. And these chapters also leave space for me to respond to you guys. And I certainly am keeping it up.  
  
Story:  
I believe if I had the oppurtunity, I would kill Hermione's parents. For all their "best intentions," this year so far has been a nightmare for her. Because I asked her to join me in creating a new potion, I have been subject to a barrage of her emotions. No matter what my personal feelings for her, I was forced to remove points for language, gestures, and her taking out her frustrations on unsuspecting quills.  
  
So I have yet to pick an actual single potion to be working on. Albus knows, of this I am certain. Yet he is silent, save for that cursed twinkle in his eyes. For a time I thought Minerva might also know, but she has become silent on the subject.  
  
For some reason, Hermione has yet to question me again on the potion. I cannot dare to hope that she enjoys my company. I have noticed that on the days she does not come to my office and work, she spends the next day in a nasty mood. While she may believe I have not seen it, I have.  
  
She needs this from me, and I will continue to provide to her. Because, truthfully, I have found that I need it as well. I need those moments when I can enjoy the company of another intellectual. And I need the moments where I can watch her unobtrusively. Where I can study her every feature. I need her. 


	13. Unexpected Friends

Hermione could hardly believe her luck. First she had been forced to sit through an hour-long lecture from McGonagall about skipping class, then she had the misfortune of running into Malfoy who felt she deserved to bear the brunt of his bad temper, and now she was stuck in Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. With a growl, she tried the door one last time, and cried,  
  
"Come on Peeves, this isn't funny!"  
  
"I find it hysterical," Myrtle commented. "You certainly deserve it, Miss know-it-all."  
  
"Look, Myrtle, as I've said before, I'm sorry. I don't want to be a know-it-all. It's just what everyone expects from me. Even my stupid mum and dad."  
  
Hermione kicked the door viciously one last time, then gave up. She stalked over to the stalls and took a seat in front of a locked stall. She had closed her eyes, resting her head against the door. Having the feeling that she was being watched, she cracked open an eye to find Myrtle staring at her curiously.  
  
"Go on. What about your mother and father?"  
  
"I. . . you don't want to hear it," Hermione said, after a long pause. Myrtle snorted.  
  
"Of course I do. Don't you know ghosts have a morbid fascination with the misfortunes of others? I won't tell anyone, if that's what you're worried about. It's not like anyone listens to me," Myrtle added woefully.  
  
"All right, I'll tell you," Hermione said hastily, to prevent the flood of tears that was surely coming. She took a deep breath, and another. Myrtle looked impatient.  
  
"If you're going to tell me, then do! Don't tease me."  
  
"Sorry. My mum and dad are getting divorced. On my birthday. And they want me to pick who I'm going to live with. Only, I don't want to live with either of them because they are both hopelessly immature. Neither one of them really likes me anyway.  
  
"Ever since I got into books, they stopped listening to me. Mum wanted me to be a movie star, and goodness only knows what exactly dad thought I could be. Probably a football player. But I only wanted to know things.  
  
"I guess I thought if I knew things, I could find out why they didn't love each other. And why they married for money. And why the bloody hell they had me, if they didn't care for me. Or even for children. My parents always wanted me to be grown-up. When they talk about my early years, do you know what they say?"  
  
"No," Myrtle said. She was staring at Hermione as if her head had come off her shoulders.  
  
"My mum admitted to me that she hated me until I could talk. You know why? Because she had to take care of me! Because I took up her time! Because I was just a little baby, and I wanted her to love me."  
  
"You have terrible parents." Myrtle looked sad. Hermione sniffed.  
  
"And I can't even tell anyone. They all think I'm so perfect, and I'm not. I just didn't have any choice about it. I'm not especially pretty, and I haven't any talents."  
  
"But you're smart!" the ghost protested.  
  
"Only because I study for hours and hours. If I didn't study, I wouldn't know a thing. I'd just be average."  
  
"There's nothing wrong with that. I'm average."  
  
"But you. . . well, you're a ghost, and that isn't exactly average. And everyone expects me to be smart and brainy. But I don't want to be that anymore. It hasn't gotten me what I wanted."  
  
"And what did you want?" Myrtle asked. She had come to rest on the floor, chin in her hands. Hermione was struck by the way she was acting. It was almost as if she was a concerned friend.  
  
"I want someone to love me for who I really am. I'm not smart, I just like to learn. I like adventure, but I also like to be safe. And I don't want to be a know-it-all anymore. I don't want to do everything for everyone else."  
  
"They can do it themselves," Myrtle said firmly. "If you want to change Hermione, just do it. How can they stop you? After all, you still know more than they do."  
  
"You're right," Hermione said, after a moment's consideration. "They can't stop me. Of course, the door is still a problem."  
  
"Oh, that. I guess I could get a teacher to help. Wait here."  
  
"Thank you, Myrtle. I didn't expect you to help me. . . Does this mean we are friends?"  
  
"Of course we are. And you're welcome. This might take a few minutes." 


	14. Tell Me

A/N: No, no kiss just yet. Maybe soon. . . but not for BOTH of them. Sorry about the delay. Term papers suck. Nine pages, 2569 words, and five straight hours doing nothing but typing/reading the book. And one annoying eight-year-old. Feel lucky you got these chapters.  
  
Gratuities:  
  
Katie Scarlette: Well, I personally think Myrtle is realizing she's a bit old for that kind of nonsense. Besides, she's a human being-even if dead. We can't always be lonely. And Sense and Sensibility-I must get to blockbuster sometime soon, obviously. Yes, Alan Rickman can talk to me anytime.  
  
not sure yet: Thank you. Didn't know just how funny this was.  
  
Nicolette:Don't be sad! I have more now!  
  
Story:  
Help comes from unexpected places, it is true. I believe even Myrtle did not realize how strange our relationship was. Of course, Harry and Ron were convinced I had gone mad. Working with the Potions Master and befriending the second most annoying ghost in the castle, when I was the most sensible person they had ever known?  
  
They just did not understand what I was going through. Somehow, though I knew all about their families, they had managed to learn next to nothing about my own. As my birthday approached, and with it the holidays, I knew I was going to have to tell them.  
  
I was just so afraid. What would they think? Did I really want to change that perfect image? Yes, I did. Everyone deserved to know the truth. Friends told each other their secrets. And despite my doubts about our friendship, I was determined to think of them that way.  
  
Still, I had to build up the nerve to tell them. I wondered exactly how I was supposed to begin. Where does everything begin? Who was going to tell me this time? 


	15. Inkblots

Snape looked over at Hermione. She had not spoken a single word all night. He had her looking up the properties of Mandrake root, and penning each down, as well as the proven success rate. Every five lines or so, she would stop and bite at her fingernails. Something was worrying at her.  
  
"Miss Granger, if you do not desist, you won't have any fingers left." At the sound of his voice, Hermione started, spraying ink on her shirt.  
  
"Oh no!"   
  
She stared in dismay at the ink running down her white button up shirt. Abruptly, a pale hand with a black kerchief was wiping away the ink. The ghostly touch was exciting, and she fought back a moan of pleasure. Wait! This was Snape who was touching her! Looking up, her brown eyes met his deep black orbs.  
  
"Is there some reason you are being so jumpy, Miss Granger?" Blushing furiously, Hermione wanted to lie and say there was not. That she was just being silly. Most certainly she was not excited by the feel of his hand as it wiped the cloth over her nipple!  
  
"Not a good one, no," was what she finally settled on. Snape stopped mopping up the ink for a moment.  
  
"Then what is your reason?"  
  
"I. . . I was just trying to think how to tell my friends. . . about my parents." Snape wiped away the last trace of ink, and pulled back his hand. Hermione fought the urge to beg him to touch her again. He was Snape! Why was she so excited by him?  
  
"Perhaps you should simply start at the beginning, and then talk through to end?"  
  
"But what will they think of me? I haven't lied, per se, but I haven't told them everything, either."  
  
"If they are the friends you have made them out to be, Miss Granger, I doubt they will care," Snape drawled. He studied Hermione for a moment, and added, "However, given how easily Mr. Weasley seems to turn on you when you attempt to protect himself or Potter, I understand your reservation. And considering Potter has a foolish tendency to side with Weasley, this only makes your situation worse."  
  
Hermione was silent. At first she had been furious, but she knew he was right. That was why she was so afraid, wasn't it? Harry and Ron often acted like fair-weather friends, and she had no one else. Oh no, she could not cry now! Not in front of Snape again!  
  
"Miss Granger, if they are the friends you believe them to be, they will understand. If not, there are other people-"  
  
"No there isn't anyone else! That's why I'm Harry and Ron's friend in the first place! No one else wanted me. . . and some days I'm not sure even they want me."  
  
Now she was crying, and no silly handkechief was going to help stay her tears. Everything in her life had just slid down into an abyss, and she had no safety net to save herself. Burying her face in her hands, Hermione hoped Snape would not get angry at her for her lack of control.  
  
Suddenly she was enveloped by darkness, and the darkness smelled faintly of the ingredients Snape had been handling before he had startled her. Gentle hands, with Snape's ghostly touch, caressed her back and hair. Snape must be holding her, Hermione realized. Without thinking, she cuddled against him.  
  
"Miss Granger, I should not have said what I did. What you need now is comfort, not worry. Perhaps-" Snape stopped as Hermione placed her lips on his cheek.  
  
"Thank you, Professor. I-I think I should go now."  
  
"Yes, you should." Snape pushed Hermione away. She grabbed her bag, and raced out of the classroom, cheeks burning. Had she just kissed Snape? Of her own violation? Oh God, how was she going to face anyone now? 


	16. Control

A/N: Okay, I know everyone will soon have a desire to strangle Ron and Harry, but please refrain from killing main characters. They'll get what's coming to them.  
  
Gratuities:  
  
Roseanne: I thought you had already read most of this. This must be the one I'm not showing to you or Tori. Oh well. COME BACK AND REVIEW MORE!  
  
hasapi: Yes, and no. But I think you'll understand pretty soon what that means. And I am glad you liked Myrtle. This will come back to haunt everyone later. Er, no pun intended.  
  
SAngel: Not for long. I think the girl knows what she wants.  
  
Milo: Thank you for catching that! I'll have to replace that chapter later. And more story there is. I enjoyed your constructive commentary. Truthfully, I just enjoy the way it flows this way. We'll see if I decided to put up my other Hermione/Snape story.  
  
Katie Scarlette: You go right back to bed, young lady! No use getting even sicker. And I am glad you liked the kiss. We'll see if Snape messes it up as he usually does.  
  
Claire Bear Blondie: Well, now you'll just have to wait and see, won't you?  
  
Tori-chan: Eeep! Another yay for me! I will finish this story. And FYI, I haven't started one since that one with Saoirse. And that one IS finished, so nyah!  
  
Jerica: Spectacular? You people are going to overbalance me with a fat head. I am glad you like it, and I will try not to let it go flat like this nasty coke the eight year old was drinking last night. Ew. Excuse me.  
  
Story:  
I thought I had this under control, but it is clear I do not. I, a man who has always been able to control his destiny, am now at a loss as to how I should continue. Unfortunately, it seems that while Hermione for a moment returned my feelings, she has turned a cold shoulder to me. Three days without her presence, and I already begin to sink back into my old way of dealing with her.  
  
She has picked up some disgusting habits, courtesy of Potter and Weasley, no doubt. She mutters to herself in class, and spends the remaining time buried in some muggle books that seem like romance novels. To add to this list of habits I find horrifying, she has picked up the habit of speaking gibberish to people. I wonder if she has snapped somehow.  
  
The trial must loom in her mind. There are only days left, and her friends, I am certain, are planning to surprise her with a small party. If only I had the courage to tell her what I want to. If only. 


	17. Waking the Dead

Lying on her back, staring at the ceiling, Hermione told herself once again this was for the best. She could not allow herself to grow close to Snape. Wouldn't he be even worse than a regular guy? He was mean! No, scratch that- he was cruel. Cruel, cold, not to mention extremely sexy-  
  
"Oh for the love of Pete!" Hermione growled, and flopped over on her stomach. Staring dejectedly into Crookshanks' eyes, she gave a sigh.  
  
"Now what am I going to do?" Hermione asked him, stubbornly refusing to cry. "If only I could ask someone about this."  
  
"Mrrow," Crookshanks told her in a decidedly condescending tone. He jumped off the bed and wandered over to the stack of letters on top of her trunk.  
  
"Oh! Of course. Thanks Crookshanks," Hermione said, taking the envelope from the top of the pile. "I just hope she understands."  
  
"Hermione!" The call from Ron was followed by loud banging on the door. "Come on, 'Mione, we know you're hiding in there!"  
  
"I'm not a vampire, Ron!" Hermione snapped back at him, swiftly burying the letters under her discarded robe.  
  
"Then it's safe to come in," Ron said, throwing open the door. Hermione rolled her eyes at him, and glared at Harry, who had followed Ron in.  
  
"You two should know by now I'm not a vampire," Hermione snapped. "We only spent most of last month studying them."  
  
"Well, we aren't quite sure you aren't a rabid squirrel," Ron returned. "You're getting to be real nasty, 'Mione. Are you a Slytherin in disguise?"  
  
"Ron!" Harry gasped. Hermione pressed her lips together in a thin line.  
  
"Listen to me very closely, because I'm only going to say this once: I am not a Slytherin, and if you even bothered to care enough to ask me about my life, you'd know what is going on. But since you seem to want nothing to do with me," Hermione said, her voice silk covering steel, "I suggest you just walk right out that door you came in and forget you ever knew me."  
  
"If that's the way you want it, fine!" Ron snarled back, and stalked out of the room. Harry stayed, staring at her.  
  
"Are you going to leave too?" Hermione dared to ask. Crookshanks watched Harry with interest.  
  
"Yeah. Because I really don't know you anymore, Hermione. I hope whatever this is fixes itself soon."  
  
"Sayonara," Hemrione muttered after he had left, closing the dormitory door behind him. She picked up a quill and scroll. Silence reigned for the next hour as she wrote furiously.  
  
When she signed her letter, she laid back on the bed, returning to staring at the ceiling. With a concerned 'mrrow,' Crookshanks placed himself on her stomach. Even though she knew that it meant missing dinner for the fourth time in a row, Hermione gave in to her urge to be very much alone. Pushing Crookshanks off her, she grabbed a towel and went to shower. At least after that she would be clean on the outside. 


	18. Fairweather

A/N: Ah, well. Snape, Snape, Snape. What are we going to do with you? Heh-heh-heh.  
  
Shameless plug: I put up another Hermione/Snape story! It's called "Things I Left Behind." Go and review.  
  
Gratuities:  
  
hasapi: Well, you'll find out now, won't you? And Harry and Ron don't likebeing bitched at anymore than you do. Besides, they've always been fair-weather friends. If you'll notice in EVERY book they leave Hermione, get in a fight with her, or insult her intelligence. I mean, REALLY!  
  
Katie Scarlette: Yep, meanies they are. Thank you, I try to keep it to a minimum, but I think Snape's going to mess it up. Glad that you're better!  
  
Roseanne: Yeah, I know. So impatient. Here's more.  
  
Midnight Tiger: Okay, first rule of reviewing: One post to cover everything you read. I understand that sometimes you just HAVE to review, but four posts from the same person is a bit irritating. Especially when they are not all long and in-depth. And since I like my story the way it is, you'll just have to wait for explanations. Which will come after I kill off some characters-Oops! Was that my out-loud voice?  
  
Story:  
It has been weeks since my "friends" rejected me. My mother and father were pissed at me for leaving them both. Now they each have to pay child support to my Aunt Tiffany. Aunt Tiff is. . . well, Ron would call her wicked, and Harry would most likely favor the term cool. She is a witch too, and she promised me, she'd actually help me.  
  
No, she isn't related to me. Aunt Tiff used to be my dance teacher when I was seven. Back when I cared about that sort of thing. Back when dancing made me happier than anything.  
  
So far, no wonderful advice has come from her about Snape. Just to hang on, and not let my silly logical tendencies force away a natural desire. Natural? Desiring Snape is natural? Which is odd, since Aunt Tiff has always known about Snape, and how evil he is. It would be another of those silly girl-falling-in-love-with-evil-man stories.  
  
Is that what she meant? The good girls are drawn to evil because they think they can change it? I am not so innocent, or pure. Besides, he can have no love for me. Love does not exist. 


	19. Tiff

"Excuse me, are you Severus Snape?"  
  
Glaring up at the female who was interrupting his work, Snape took his time to reply. He shuffled his papers, and heard her laugh. Allowing her curly dark brown hair to fall into her eyes she leaned forward and told him,  
  
"You are exactly as Hermione described." That brought him sharply to attention.  
  
"And who might you be?" he growled.  
  
"Tiffany Agress, but you may call me Tiff if you like. Hermione wrote me asking for some advice, and I thought I'd let you know about it."  
  
"I am hardly interested in the confusions of a teenage drama queen," Snape drawled. Tiff smiled, and replied in Hermione's voice,  
  
"I don't know why I did it Aunt Tiff, but I still did. I kissed him. I enjoyed it, but. . . He's Snape, Aunt Tiff! He's Snape!"  
  
"How the hell did you do that?" Snape growled. Laughing, Tiff returned her voice to normal.  
  
"Years of training. But I see you are more interested in the drama now."  
  
"Only because I believe you are here to blackmail me." Again Tiff laughed at him, fanning the flames of his temper. "This is no laughing matter, Miss Agress."  
  
"I only find it amusing because I have no intention of blackmailing you. In fact, my intention was to simply tell you that I would be most pleased if you would at least let her down gently."  
  
"Excuse me?" Snape lost his normal calm demeanor. While his mouth was not gaping open, it might as well have been.  
  
"I told Hermione not to interfere with what came naturally to her. That being her crush on you. But, if you don't feel the same way, please be gentle when you tell her no. She's been through a lot, and I'd like her to come out as unscathed as possible."  
  
"Are you suggesting that Miss Granger would actually approach me?" Heart-pounding, Snape tried not to think of the feel of Hermione in his arms, or the way she might smile if he said he cared for her too.  
  
"She's Gryffindor, isn't she? She'll come and ask you soon, I'd guess. Just let her down easy, all right?" Tiff turned toward the door. Pausing in the frame, she turned and fixed Snape with an unreadable look.   
  
"I happen to love my little Hermione, and I'd hate to see her get hurt again. I hope you feel the same way. 


	20. What I Must Do

A/N: Tiffany was named after one of my friends and inspired by another, but I doubt either will guess who they are. And all reviews are loved and appreciated.  
  
Gratuities:  
  
really talented: Yes, wanting more. Me too, surprisingly.  
  
Tori: I'll see what I can do, but it's like the wings. And when? I don't know. . .  
  
Roseanne: Aunt Tiff isn't that kind of girl. But she knows.  
  
hasapi: Yeah, I have the same worries.  
  
me: I'm glad you liked it, but a name for you would be nice. I keep wondering if I'm reviewing myself in some very scary way.  
  
Katie Scarlette: I like Aunt Tiff too. And I'm afraid. . . well, Snape is gonna have to be hit over the head with many books. . . maybe an anvil or two.  
  
Buffy Marsters: Good idea, but it's been done. But don't worry, I have a very original place for it.  
  
Story:  
Hermione? Care for me? These two statements have nothing to do with each other. She could not possibly truly understand-she is too young to know about love. It must simply be a crush, as her aunt suggested. With what happened at her home, I doubt that she has any realistic understanding of love.  
  
I will "let her down easy," as "Tiff" asked. Hermione must never know how I feel towards her. That night in the classroom was wrong. No matter how correct it felt. I cannot allow my feelings to drag Hermione down with me. She deserves so much more.  
  
And so I have asked her to meet me outside tomorrow night, just before curfew. I will tell her then. She will understand someday. Or not. I hate to make her bitter. But I must return her to hating me. If she ever turned that smile my way again. . . And yet, I wish she would.  
  
I have fallen for you, Hermione Granger. Now it is for me to break both our hearts. 


	21. Broken

Hermione shivered against the cold. Outside, on her birthday, waiting for Snape to show up. This was all so very wrong somehow. "I wouldn't have been here last year," her mind told her.  
  
"Miss Granger, I see you made it. A little early, as I have grown to expect from you."  
  
"If I wasn't early, I'd be late," Hermione said, before she could bite down on her tongue.  
  
"A wise enough philosophy," Snape agreed. He gestured for her to sit on the edge of the fountain. She did so, hugging herself against the cold.  
  
"Is there something you wanted to talk about?" Hermione asked. "Please don't say the other night, please don't say the other night," she begged mentally.  
  
"The other night," Snape said, confirming Hermione's worst fear. "What happened that night should not have happened. I must ask you to continue to keep your distance."  
  
"Oh," was all Hermione could manage. "He hates me. There really isn't love," her mind whimpered.  
  
"Will you keep your distance, Miss Granger?"  
  
"Yes," Hermione said quietly, staring down at her feet. "I'm sorry."  
  
"As am I. Now, go to your dormitory before I am forced to take points from you."  
  
Pushing herself to her feet, Hermione walked dejectedly inside, and up to the portrait hole. She gave the password and managed to get into the dormitory without anyone noticing her. Not that they ever had. Staring at her bed with confusion, Hermione wondered when she had learned to walk without even knowing where she meant to go.  
  
"Mrrow?" Crookshanks inquired.  
  
"No, he hates me," Hermione muttered, tears springing up and spilling over before she even knew they were there. Sliding down to sit with her back against the bed, she asked,  
  
"Am I really that bad? No one has ever loved me, no one. I'm not as good as anyone else, am I? Oh, Crookshanks, I wanted to mean something once. Now I don't know what I want. I'm fifteen, and I don't know who I am. I'm all alone, just like always. . . I just hoped that maybe-"  
  
Hermione jerked to her feet and raced for the bathroom. Making it just in time, she vomitted into the toilet. All of her dinner had come up, and she wished she had more to give. Feeling dirty, she grabbed a towel and went to take a shower again. Maybe if she scrubbed hard enough, she would be clean inside too. 


	22. I Hate Birthdays

A/N: Oh my, so many reviews. I had to hide Snape from Tori. And maybe a few others, but I'm grateful for the lack of angry mob. Of course, after this, you might just kill me again.  
  
Gratuities:  
  
Akki: Okay, I teased you all yesterday, so now I'm being nice and giving you more. And nice cryptic message, but Hermione's all Snape's.  
  
hasapi: You've been with me from the beginning, and I promise it will only get more confusing. And Aunt Tiff will appear again.  
  
Florence: Cruel? Moi? Yeah, I am.  
  
PerscomChu: Oh no! Here's a shot of fanfic to pep you up! If you need more Hermione/Snape, check out my story Things I Left Behind, which is mine, or Soul Searching by Quillison.  
  
Katie Scarlette: Yes, BAD Sevvie. He gets badder. Thanks, I do angst often. -_- Something Tori gets on my case for. But in another. . . Two installments you'll find out why Sevvie is being so bad.  
  
Story:  
Stupid birthday for me. Stupid birthday for me. Stupid birthday for stupid girl. Stupid birthday for me.  
  
He hates me. That is all I can think. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I was learning a new language, and trying out some logarithms, but now. . . Nothing I do works. I can't ignore him. When he comes into a room, I stop feeling anything but pain.  
  
He won't even look at me. I don't raise my hand, and I can't go to eat anymore. It has been three days since I had a full meal.  
  
Here I am, a Gryffindor, running away from a problem that is all in mind. I must be going insane, as Ron has so kindly spread around the school. Maybe I am. Maybe that's why I feel so horrible. . .  
  
Aunt Tiff sent me three letters, but I can't even open them. She'll ask about Snape and I'll cry again. She'll know about me. She'll hate me like everyone else. I'm all alone again. I don't have anyone. I can't even find my stupid cat. I can't. . . 


	23. Aconite

"Miss Granger, you have not answered a question in two weeks. If you would not mind, tell us what another name for wolfsbane is." It was not a question, nor a request, but Hermione's tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. She shook her head, hoping he would not force her.  
  
"Miss Granger, I know very well you know the answer. As I recall, you nearly knocked Mister Potter's glasses off when I asked the very first day you ever set foot inside my dungeon. Answer the question."  
  
"A-aconite, sir," Hermione said in a whisper.  
  
"What Miss Granger? Speak up so the class can hear." He knew how cruel he was being, but somewhere inside that frightened girl was the Hermione who had slapped Draco once.  
  
"Aconite," Hermione repeated, staring down at the table. A few of the Slytherins snickered.  
  
"Mister Malfoy, did you hear Miss Granger's response?"  
  
"No sir," the blond replied nasitly. He had heard, Snape was certain.  
  
"Well, Miss Granger?" Hermione's eyes told him all he needed to know. She would never love him again. That was what he wanted.  
  
"Aconite," Hermione said, fighting off tears.  
  
"Thank you," Snape drawled. "Five points from Gryffindor for holding up class."  
  
"That isn't fair!" Lavender protested. "Just because you're terrorizing poor 'Mione doesn't mean she has to lose points for it!"  
  
"Ten points from Gryffindor for your cheek, Miss Brown. One more word," Snape said, forestalling her protest, "And I will take fifty for defiance."  
  
"Excuse me, Severus, but may I borrow Miss Granger for a moment?" Professor McGonagall was standing in the doorway. She seemed worried, and Snape had no doubt the news she had was not good.  
  
"Yes," he answered, and Hermione followed her Transfiguration teacher into the hallway. The rest of the class watched her go, but he called them sharply to order and set them to work on their assignments.  
  
In a moment, McGonagall reappeared, and gestured for him to join her in the hall. He came reluctantly. The last thing he wanted was to see Hermione crying, which would be the only reason Minerva would call him out. Even though she was crying, Hermione tried her hardest to keep calm. Snape only admired her more for it.  
  
"Miss Granger has lost her parents. A car accident, I'm afraid. Could she be excused, Severus?"  
  
"You are excused from the class, and tonight's homework, since it would require you to be in the class. I do, however, expect you to brush up on the wart removal potion we will be working on the next time this class meets. My condolences on your loss," he added more gently.  
  
"Thank you sir," Hermione said softly. Minerva stepped in and placed a hand on Hermione's shoulder.  
  
"Come along, I think you should send a letter to your aunt. She'll want to come and discuss this with you."  
  
Snape watched them go, and allowed himself a rare moment of self-pity. His parents had long since died, and he knew what it was to lose someone you loved. Despite what others might think, Snape knew Hermione had loved her parents, and leaving them had been the hardest thing she had done in her life.  
  
"If all your challenges stay this easy, Miss Granger, consider yourself blessed," he murmured, and then swept back into the classroom to take points from Neville for melting Harry's quill in his cauldron. 


	24. Makes Her Love Me

A/N: All right, this entry is long(er), and the actual story is short. Sorry, it's a set up for the next chapter set which is VERY long. And it may be a while after that, because I've hit a depression spot, and if In write while I'm depressed, bad things tend to happen to my characters.  
  
Gratuities:  
  
Katie Scarlette: Thanks for the angst commentary. I try not overdo it, considering I have some truly angst ridden fics. Oh yes, and my life is angst ridden. *growls something about someone not liking her upstairs* As for Snape to the rescue, we'll just have to see now won't we?  
  
hasapi: No, you can't be violent. I intend to right this wrong, and no hurting my Severus.  
  
Tori-chan: Yeah, yeah. I'll make it all better, is that good for you?  
  
sevesmione: Yes, he is bad in a good way. A dictionary? Hmm. . . No, not just yet.  
  
Story:  
A funeral, come and gone, for her parents. She wanted to go, but Dumbledore insisted she have someone to accompany her. No one was available, though she asked everyone. Even myself. I had to tell her no.  
  
The closer she gets to me, the more I feel. I am sorry for her, and for her loss. I miss her being close to me those nights we worked on a potion. But it is the missing it that makes this so dangerous. The closer she gets to me, the closer she is to danger.  
  
Not that Weasley and Potter don't make enough for her already. Of course with the passing of Hermione's parents, they jumped back to being her friends. And she let them! I understand the need for companionship in difficult times, but those two?  
  
All right, I am jealous of them. In a small way. A very small way. Certainly I am more jealous of her cat, which has taken to following her into the classroom, and daring me with his eyes to challenge his presence. Hell, Draco Malfoy gets closer to Hermione than I dare.  
  
If someone was to give this to Hermione on my death, I wonder what she would think of me. Of course, by that time, she would hate me. I am surprised she does not hate me now. I wonder what it is that makes her love me. . . 


	25. Aunt Tiff Again

"All right, Miss Hermione, spill. I haven't seen you so depressed since your mother informed you she would not pay for any books beyond the ones absolutely necessary for class."  
  
Startled, Hermione looked up into Tiff's warm brown eyes. She had come to Hogwarts to visit for the holidays, and would leave after New Years. At the moment, they were both alone in the Gryffindor common room. Hermione had swapped her school uniform for dress pants, and the sweater Ron's mother had sent her for Christmas.  
  
" 'Mione," Tiff interrupted gently, "Are you going to talk, or should I tickle it out of you?"  
  
"You wouldn't dare!" Hermione was proven wrong. After Tiff decided she had had enough, she sat on the floor in front of the fire, watching Hermione.  
  
"So, 'Mione, what is it?"  
  
"It's. . . well, promise me you won't laugh?"  
  
"When have I ever laughed? With the exception of Lockhart."  
  
"You were right on that one, Aunt Tiff," Hermione acknowledged with a sigh. "But Aunt Tiff, I think I made a mistake."  
  
"Oh, love, we all do. If it is Harry and Ron, well, perhaps they'll grow a brain and realize they truly do like you."  
  
"It isn't them. Well yes, I know part of it is, but that isn't what I wanted to talk about."  
  
"Severus, then?" At her nod, Tiff sighed and continued, "Oh, 'Mione, I'm sorry. I know you think you are in love with him, but you can't always be right. I'm afraid you will have to move on."  
  
"I don't want to move on! I want him to love me too," Hermione said softly.  
  
"Then you have to confront him about it, 'Mione. If you want him to love you, you'll have to work at it. It takes two," Tiff added gently.  
  
"Trust you to quote songs," Hermione muttered. Laughing, Tiff tickled the bottoms of Hermione's feet.  
  
"It is a good song, love. Now, get to bed. It'll be Christmas a lot sooner if you sleep."  
  
"Happy holidays, Aunt Tiff. Good night." Tiff returned her embrace, and kissed her cheek.  
  
"Happy holidays, 'Mione. Sleep well."  
  
Hermione walked into the dormitory slowly, but once she had closed the door, she cast off her tired expression. Snatching up some writing materials, Hermione penned a letter. After reading her letter over twice, she nodded to herself. It would do. For her intentions, anyway. 


	26. Request

A/N: This entry is going to be the letter, since I know you people are going to wonder what it said. THIS NEXT PART IS VERY IMPORTANT: I am posting another story that it is important for you to read to understand something coming up soon. The title is Memories of Another.  
  
Gratuities:  
  
Crystal*Fantasy: We'll see, won't we?  
  
KatieScarlette: Ah, this is why I write my chapters ahead of time. And we should all love Aunt Tiff. She is wonderful.  
  
mehi-mage: I think this will answer your questions. That dancing has potential. I'll think about it.  
  
Tori-chan: You only know 'cause I told you.  
  
Roseanne: Okay, no "using" people. Hermione's just not like that. And although it would be funny to see her flirt shamelessly with McGonagall, I think not.  
  
Don't forget to go check out Memories of Another.  
  
Story:  
Dear Professor Snape,  
  
I realize it is highly inappropriate for a student to write a teacher in this manner, but I must speak with you. It is personal, as I know you have guessed. I have no wish to be caught out after curfew, so may I see you in your office? Please.  
  
Hermione Granger 


	27. It Takes Two

Why the hell did I agree to this? Snape asked himself for the fifth time. He was waiting in his office. Eight o' clock, and she would be here in minutes. She had of course, begged him to allow for small mishaps with her friends.  
  
Why did I- Snape stopped, because there was a timid knock on his door. Attempting to compose himself, he said coldly,  
  
"Enter." Hermione slipped in at his command, and shut the door behind her.  
  
"You said you wished to speak. Miss Granger. Speak."  
  
"I was merely waiting to be acknowledged," Hermione said sharply. He raised an eyebrow at this unexpected retort. Her backbone had grown back.  
  
"Well?"  
  
"Well, I think you're a real jerk," Hermione snapped. "I was under the impression you were a gentleman. Obviously, I was mistaken."  
  
"Excuse me?" Damn, but she knew the right buttons to push.  
  
"You said what happened in the classroom was wrong, but you made the first move, and you know it. You are not the fatherly type. You love me too, and I'm not going to let your foolish misconceptions of my maturity stand in the way of something that could help us both!"  
  
"Who said anything about love?" Snape was on his feet now. Although she had not sat down, Hermione still seemed to tower over him.  
  
"I did! I don't care what you allow yourself to think, I do love you. You're probably the first person I've loved since Aunt Tiff, and that means a lot to me."  
  
"Miss Granger, I am not here to fufill your fantasies-"  
  
"And I'm not here to fufill yours!" Snape took a step back in the face of Hermione's ire. She took a deep breath and continued more gently, "If nothing else, can't you tell me the real reason why you don't want me to be so close to you?"  
  
"Because I am a marked man! Ever since the episode with the philosopher's stone, Voldemort has known that I am not on his side. As Potter reported, Voldemort knows full well I have returned to the side of the light, and will not go back. You are already in enough danger as Potter's friend. If it was known that you were my beloved. . . I don't want to lose you."  
  
There, he had said it. She was special, she was all he wanted, and she was everything he could not have. To his surprise, Hermione did not seem put off in the least. She considered his points thoughtfully, and then said,  
  
"I could say the same to you, you know. I am Harry's close friend, and they could use you to get to me. And through me, to Harry. I don't want to lose you either, and that's why I'm here. I came to you because I don't want to live alone for the rest of my life. Because I want to spend it with you."  
  
"You don't know me, Hermione."  
  
"I want to. Please?" Hermione pleaded. She had come here with every intention of bitching him out, but now she was begging him. Something she wished she had done the first time.  
  
"Hermione-" Snape began very softly.  
  
"Don't tell me now. It's Yule, and I don't think I could stand it if you left me now." Hermione put a hand up to cover her eyes, and she was enveloped by blackness. Severus placed a hand on her head, keeping her close to his chest.  
  
"I never said no. Hermione, you are very much younger than I. You have yet to see all the horror I have. I don't know if I can open up to you. But, I am willing to try to let you be close to me. I reserve the right to tell you no, and you reserve the right to tell me no. To anything."  
  
"Promise?" Hermione whispered, cursing herself for sounding so desperate.  
  
"I swear," Severus whispered in return. He released her with reluctance. "I have to speak with your 'charming' guardian, and with the Headmaster."  
  
"About what?" Hermione asked, confusion in her frown.  
  
"About us-"  
  
"Tiff knows, already. She's the one who told me to see you," Hermione said with a sheepish smile. "But why the Headmaster?"  
  
"Because your safety is his concern. And he is my guardian." Severus gently shut her mouth with one long finger. She blushed, but could see none of his usual cold smirk.  
  
"He is?" Hermione asked, once she had found her voice.  
  
"Some other time," he told her gently. "You need to return to your room."  
  
"May I have a kiss before I go?" Hermione asked cheekily. He gave her a genuine smile, and leaned down to kiss her cheek tenderly. Kissing his cheek just as lovingly, Hermione wrapped her arms around his neck and inhaled his scent.  
  
"When can we meet again?" she asked when he released her reluctantly once again.  
  
"I believe we still have a project we were working on."  
  
"Did we? I thought it was several," Hermione said with a small smile. He blinked.  
  
"You knew?"  
  
"Well, yes, but I thought that as Potions Master, you would be working on many things at once. Er, what do I call you?"  
  
"In front of your friends, Professor Snape. When we are alone, Severus will suffice. Just don't get excited about it." Listening to her laugh, Severus bit back his own. Not too fast, he chided himself.  
  
"I guess I have to go now," Hermione said, once more cursing the fact that she had a very emotional voice.  
  
"I will walk you to the stairs," Severus offered, and she smiled at him.   
  
Even though there was rarely anyone in the dungeons besides himself, he did not want to chance it. He walked next to her, as if he was returning her from a detention. When they reached the top of the stairs and turned to go their separate ways, Hermione could not resist.  
  
"Thank you, Professor. I really needed that."  
  
"You are welcome Miss Granger, so long as you make an appointment. You will be in the classroom tomorrow night after dinner. Do not dawdle."  
  
"Yes, Professor." 


	28. Wind

A/N: Only four reviews! Boy, I feel less inflated now! ^_^ This is more of a filler chapter, and so is the next. Just because I need some time to get the Jane story up to a poit where you'll all understand without me repeating the same things over and over.  
  
Gratuities:  
  
Tori-chan: Aww, gee, thanks for the huggles. Bet you'll like this chapter too.  
  
Katie Scarlette: YES GO READ THE OTHER STORY! ^_~ I'm sure you'll enjoy it. I'm glad you liked that I had Hermione get mad. I would be mad, so she ought to be mad.  
  
violet: This chapter is going to be long too, and then we're going back to shorter chapters.  
  
Claire Bear Blondie: We're not going to go into what Dumbledore says, because it is mostly, "That's fine, but no sex until she's old enough, blablablah." Typical Dumbledore stuff.  
  
Story:  
I have never been the kind of person to throw caution to the wind. Nor have I ever been the kind of man to enjoy myself to the fullest. Even when I was a Death Eater, I found little joy in what I did. Voldemort knew this, and would always find me something else to do. He seemed to think that my lack of enthusiasm would rub off on others.  
  
But now, with Hermione. . . Things are different. She asks me about myself, asks about my past, present. . . We have even wondered about the future. I have fallen for this girl with all my heart and soul. She asks little of me, and yet it is a great deal.  
  
We are not lovers. But we are in love. I have yet to ask her if her friends know. That is her business, and not mine. She asks me what it might be like without Voldemort, and I return that I have little doubt that it would be a better place. She laughed at me when I said that the first time.  
  
I wonder of we are both as frightened of the future as we say. With the end of the war, this might all end. I could lose her, and she could lose her friends. Potter. . . I doubt he will survive the final conflict. Truthfully, I do not see any of us surviving this. We will pass away into dust, the rest of the world oblivious to what we have done. 


	29. Flirt

"Come on, 'Mione! You'll be late for the train!"  
  
"Harry Potter, don't tell me you've forgotten?"  
  
"What's keeping you two?" Ron called from the bottom of the stairs. "We're going to miss the train!"  
  
"Ronald Weasley, Harry Potter, you both forgot!" Hemrione accused, looking hurt.  
  
"Oh, geez, 'Mione, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to dredge that up again. See you at the start of term. Send me loads of owls, will you?" Harry said in a rush, hugging Hermione enthusiastically. As he finshed, he whispered in her ear, "And try to keep Snape entertained. He's a lot nicer since you've been rubbing off on him."  
  
"Not that much nicer," Hermione returned, thinking about her OWLs. She had told Harry, but they both decided to keep it from Ron for just a bit longer.  
  
"Right then, come on Harry! See you next year, 'Mione!" Ron did not bother to come up the stairs. After an entire year of fighting over small things, Hermione had insisted they both take a break. Which she then informed him was the entire summer, unless they had something nice to say.  
  
"Next year, Ron," she called back, and waved to them. She had already said her goodbyes to everyone else. Turning back to look at the empty dormitory, Hermione wondered if she was going to miss them all that much. Yeah, she would, she decided, wiping away a threatening tear.  
  
Deciding that the common room was too quiet for her right now, she left through the portrait hole. The teachers would be leaving next week. But Severus had promised to stay with her all summer. Not just to Hermione, either. Dumbledore had requested it- though Hermione had a feeling he wanted them to spend more time together.  
  
"Must think I'm a good influence," Hermione thought to herself with a small smile. She turned her steps to the dungeon. After a whole month of little to no contact due to her OWLs, Hermione desperately wanted to see Severus.  
  
She snuck up to the door of the potions classroom, and was relieved to see he was there alone. In fact, he had not even noticed her yet. With a bit of a mischievious twinkle in her eye, she snuck up behind him, and placed her arms around his waist. He spun in her arms, but seeing who she was, he relaxed.  
  
"Hermione, don't do that."  
  
"What?" she asked, trying to sound innocent. He raised an eyebrow at her, and then bent down to whisper in her ear,  
  
"You know exactly what. Don't sneak up on me, or else I might think you were someone else. I love, and I don't want to hurt you. Please be more careful."  
  
"I'm careful. I shut the door, you know," Hermione said, pouting. Severus took in a deep breath, and then kissed her cheek.  
  
"Hermione, I am glad you did that, but do not sneak up on me, understand?"  
  
"All right, I won't. Are you glad to be rid of us brats for the summer?" she teased, sitting on a table.  
  
"I seem to have missed one," he growled playfully. Hermione pretended to be worried.  
  
"Are you going to give me detention?"  
  
"I- Hermione, was that. . . a come on?"  
  
"Maybe," Hermione said flippantly. She tossed her hair over one shoulder.  
  
"Now I know you're flirting," Severus muttered. Hermione laughed, and hopped down off of the table.  
  
"I think we might want to talk about this," she said thoughtfully.  
  
"Now?" Severus was caught off guard.  
  
"Now. Do you know, I dream about you almost every night? You're the object of dozens of fantasies. I'm in love with you, Severus, but I'm also a human being."  
  
"You're saying. . ?" He tried hard to ignore the tightening of his pants.  
  
"I'm saying that I want to get into your pants. I know I shouldn't yet, but it just gets harder and harder every time I see you." Hermione blushed at her choice of words. "That sounds so much better inside my head."  
  
"Hermione. . . I feel the same way, but we can't. I'm still your teacher."  
  
"Not now you aren't," Hermione argued. "It's summer."  
  
"Don't. Tempt. Me." Severus bit out. Blinking, Hermione realized she may just have aroused her beloved.  
  
"You mean. . ." Hermione blushed deeper. "I arouse you too?"  
  
"You have no idea what you do to me," Severus growled. This was getting out of hand. He had to stop her before she started him down a path that would affect both of them for the rest of their lives.  
  
"Oh. Sorry." Hating awkward silences as she did, Hermione tried to think of something more to say.  
  
"Maybe we should have lunch," Severus suggested. He was not overly fond of those strange pauses that came with difficult subject matter either.  
  
"Is it lunch time already?" Hermione asked in surprise.  
  
"It is now," Severus muttered under his breath. Seeing Hermione's puzzled expression, he said a bit more loudly, "Yes, it is. What would you like?"  
  
"Food," Hermione said with an impish grin. Severus sighed. This was going to be a long summer. 


	30. Secrets of Her Own

A/N: All right, last filler chapter set. Next chapter set to go up will be the special, and last chapter set of this story. After that, there will be the sequel which will have some action in it! I do want to remind you all that in order to understand the last chapter set(because I will not explain), you must read Memories of Another.  
  
Gratuities:  
  
tolazytosignin: There will definetely be some less perfect Hermione. Even if Snape loves her just the way she is.  
  
Vivian Marie: That was far from NC-17 by Hollywood standards. But here is another chapter, and not NC-17.  
  
catz95: Thank you! Here's more!  
  
Legolissa: Heh. There won't be any NC-17 stuff until the sequel, and maybe not much then either. We'll see how lemony I feel.  
  
Silmaril: Thanks, I found it amusing to write, and so I did. You waited, and that was nice of you.  
  
Story:  
Maybe I shouldn't tease him like that. I guess, diary, that I've been a bit of a pest. Aunt Tiff insists that it's natural to want to be around him all day, every day. But that isn't all I want. This is so hard to do. What are we going to do when term starts?  
  
Well, actually, now that I think about it, Severus doesn't seem to mind it so much. He says we have to take this slowly. That he won't do anything until I'm old enough. I haven't yet gotten up the courage to tell him I added at least half a year to my life, and am still adding more. I suppose I could check the Ministry records and find out exactly how much I added, but it isn't a full year just yet.  
  
I do know that they've been shifting my official birthday every twenty-four days. I add an hour to my life every day, at least, even when I'm studying. I just need that extra hour. I do it now almost out of habit, just so that I can study a bit more. There is just so little time in a day, not nearly enough to do all I want to do.  
  
I suppose I should put it away for the summer. Severus would be upset if he thought I was still using it when I don't technically need it. And I can wait to study if it means a bit more time with him. My goodness, I really must have fallen for him. Or, at least, that's what Harry would say. I don't want to think what Ron will say when he finds out. 


	31. The Clear Blue Sky

"Severus?" Hermione asked.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Why did we come outside?" Lying on her back, Hermione was talking to the clear blue sky. It was not very hot, and Hermione wore a windbreaker over her T-shirt and black pants. Severus sat on the blanket, and raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Because it is a nice day to eat outside," he answered simply. Hermione rolled over onto her side, matching his previous expression.  
  
"Do you mean to tell me, you actually notice when the weather is nice?"  
  
"Why would that be surprising?" Severus demanded. Hermione just laughed.  
  
"I was teasing. You do know that people think you never go outside unless you absolutely have to."  
  
"And they are correct. I usually have very little desire to leave my potions research. However, circumstances have changed," he noted, giving her a significant look. She blushed.  
  
If he was not so afraid of discovery, Severus might have smiled. As it was, he was beginning to suspect that most of the staff already knew. The summer was nearing its end, and Severus knew that there was something he still had to tell Hermione. He wondered what she might think of his secret.  
  
"Severus?"  
  
"Yes," he asked.  
  
"Why have you refused to look at my homework?"  
  
"Because it is still my break. And contrary to popular opinion, teachers do not live, breathe, eat, and drink school. Although some of the students might," he said, eyeing her. She glared.  
  
"Not anymore I don't. Except for a few subjects I really like." Hermione stuck her tongue out at him, and then turned back to staring at the sky.  
  
Severus shook his head, but more in amusement than disagreement. The way she had rejected studying so completely had blown away most of the school. Then they found out that she had taken up more muggle pursuits, such as muggle math, and then a foreign language. True to form, Hermione chose difficult things. The language was Japanese- very complicated to attempt to self-teach- and the math was advanced.  
  
Still, he admired her. People who dedicated themselves to the furtherment of their own education were rare. Ones like Hermione were gold, he knew. Her Aunt Tiff was a character as well, but a character that believed in giving people the things they needed most. Which was why she had insisted that Severus not be too protective of Hermione, even if it meant letting her be insulted by Malfoy.  
  
Malfoy. The little arrogant. . . Severus could not stand his father, and the same was becoming true of his son. Speaking of Lucius, that brought Severus right back to his secret. If he told Hermione, would she believe him? Futhermore, would she be safe with that secret? This secret was difficult and complex enough without adding another variable to the mix. However, he would not change this for the world.  
  
Looking over at the girl who had further complicated his life, he found her sleeping. With a small smile, he reached out a hand to shake her shoulder. Stopping himself, he allowed her to sleep. He wanted to watch her in this moment of absolute relaxation. There would be few oppurtunities to do so once the school year began. He would be caught up in school duties, and his. . . and Hermione would have plenty of duties as prefect and homework.  
  
Sighing, he allowed himself to relax and lay back. Staring up at the eternal blue of the sky, Severus thought back to his secret. It had only been his secret for a little over two years. And those who knew had just left last year. It was not as if it was a dirty little secret, just. . . Well, she might take it wrong.  
  
Glancing back over to Hermione, he smiled. Carefully, he began packing up the picnic things. With a frown, he regarded how little she had eaten. He had thought she was over her losses, but of course the pain never went away. How much she reminded him of-Stop thinking about it, he ordered himself silently. There would be time enough later.  
  
"Hermione," he said gently. She opened her eyes slowly.   
  
"Did I fall asleep?" she asked, mildly dismayed. He gave her an amused smirk.  
  
"You did. I think we should get back inside now. I have potions that need to be attended to, and my lesson plans should be finalized."  
  
"Oh. Okay." Hermione sat up and stretched. She helped him fold the blanket, and carried it inside. They parted at the entrance, she for the library, and he for his dungeons, and his secret. 


	32. Chosen Path

A/N: Ahh, last chapter. I can feel a sense of satisfaction. Now I need tostart a new one along this same thread. Hmm, that could be a cool title. Er, anyhow, THIS part of the story is officially done, so y'all better be happy. 'Cause if you ain't, well then that isn't MY problem.  
  
Gratuities:  
  
Akki No Tenshi: Nope, THIS is the end. And I'm glad you can see Snape like I do.  
  
Katie Scarlette: I hope you had a wonderful vacation! And don't burst! Here's the end(of this story), AND the secret!  
  
lori: Good for you. The next story will make more sense if you read both.  
  
tolazytosignin: Maybe next story  
  
Tori: Maybe, and maaaaaaybe.  
  
Story:  
Secrets. Secrets upon secrets. I have had them for years, and keeping them has never been so hard. This secret is not a dark one, but possibly dangerous to them both. I am always in danger, so I forget to think of myself. Yet they are not so far apart, separarted by walls, secrets, and years of time.  
  
And they are both the secrets dearest to my heart. I will not lose them, and so I must unite them. For their safety, and for my own peace of mind.  
  
Peace of mind. . . An interesting phrase for a spy, and a former Death Eater. Do they- Lucius, Voldemort, and the rest- have any peace of mind? Do they sleep at night easily, or are they as haunted by dreams as I? Are they plagued with doubts about the right of their cause?  
  
But they do not have what I do. They do not know for certain that there are still those who hold them dear to their hearts. Lucius must fear his own son. Fear replacement. Voldemort fears Harry and Dumbledore, and perhaps in a small way, myself. They all fear capture.  
  
I give not to them any sympathy, for they are beyond salvation. Even though there are those who believe that God forgives all, if one looks closely at texts, God is as tempermental as myself. And I will not forgive them their sins. For they, as I have, and do, must live with their guilt. 


	33. Now and Forever

"Why are you leading me around with my eyes closed?" Hermione asked, as she slowly felt her way down the stairs.  
  
"Because it is to be a surprise. However, if I had known how long you would take to traverse this short distance, I would have simply carried you."  
  
"Why can't you now?" Hermione teased. She felt his grip on her arm tighten slightly, and he pushed her towards the wall. No, it was not the wall, it was through a door of some kind.  
  
"Because we are almost there," Severus told her. She heard something scrape against stone, and then he bade her stop.  
  
"You may open your eyes now."  
  
When she did, Hermione was surprised. She stood inside what must be his quarters, in front of a fireplace. The space was not richly decorated, but it was better than the chains that most of the boys talked about. It was clean, and there were three chairs in front of the fireplace.  
  
The chairs looked comfortable enough, and Severus gestured for her to sit. He went into another room, and that gave Hermione more time to examine the room. There was a bookshelf, filled with potions titles, and a few other non-potion related books, such as Famous Witches and Wizards. The room was sparse, Hermione noted. It lacked photographs, and the usual homey touches one would expect.  
  
A noise made her turn her attention back to the door Severus had exited through. He was coming back, and there was a little girl with him! He noticed her stare, and made no move to explain. He gently led the girl to Hermione, and almost at once she understood.  
  
The girl was blind. She could not see Hermione, or any of the things in the room. Hermione had had a real aunt that was blind. She would identify everyone by their hands. Hermione had always thought her aunt a little strange, until she learned what blindness meant. After reading all sorts of books, Hermione found that most blind people their hands to identify people by a certain feature.  
  
"Jane, this is Hermione. Hermione, this is Jane," Severus said by way of introduction. Jane reached forward, and Hermione caught her hands. Somehow, she knew that Jane would need to feel her face.  
  
"You must be very pretty," Jane told Hermione after she had gently traced her way over Hermione's features.  
  
"Thank you," Hermione said, blushing. "You are very pretty too."  
  
"Thank you. Daddy says that to me all the time. He also told me that his girlfriend was pretty, and that is who I assume you to be." Taken aback by the formaltity of the child's speech, it took Hermione a few moments to piece the puzzle together in her head.  
  
"So, Severus is your father?"  
  
"Not genetically. But he's my daddy in my heart, and that's all that matters to me," Jane said firmly. Severus smiled tenderly at Jane, and Hermione blinked in surprise.  
  
Gathering Jane up into his arms, Severus made himself comfortable in a chair. Jane leaned back against his chest, and closed her eyes. After a long while passed in silence, Hermione asked,  
  
"Did she fall asleep?"  
  
"Yes. She had adjusted her sleeping schedule so that she could spend the maximum amount of her waking hours with me for the school year, and so it is her habit to sleep after lunchtime."  
  
"Where did she come from?" Hermione asked softy.  
  
"There is an unmarked book on the third shelf down. Jane and I recorded some entries together that concern her past, how she came here, and a few other things that might interest you. When it is time for you to go, you make take it with you."  
  
Hermione leaned back in her chair, feeling sleepy herself. She snuggled down, and Severus eyed her with an amused look on his face. When she closed her eyes, he asked,  
  
"Should I have shown you the bedroom instead?"  
  
"Maybe. I don't like to sleep in a chair," Hermione told him sleepily. She heard him chuckle, and get out of his chair. His footsteps retreated, and then returned.  
  
Abruptly, Hermione found herself being lifted. She reached out her arms, and wrapped them around his neck. Eyes still shut tight, she allowed herself to be carried into another room, and then laid on a soft bed. She felt a gentle kiss on the back of her neck, and him climbing into bed with her. When she turned to face him, her eyes open, he placed a finger on his lips, and indicated Jane, who was sleeping on his other side.  
  
"She likes me to stay close when she sleeps. Especially now. She has never felt very safe in the summertime." Severus stroked the tiny girl's cheek as Hermione leaned against his shoulder.  
  
"She's beautiful, Severus," Hermione whispered.  
  
"You are both beautiful," Severus told her. "And I want you both by my side. Now, and for the rest of my life."  
  
"I want that too," Hermione affirmed softly, and then she placed her head against his chest. Within moments, she was asleep for good. Severus kissed the top of her head, and then Jane's.  
  
"Now and forever," he promised them both, and closed his own eyes. 


	34. Final Author's Note IMPORTANT

A/N: This is the last one. I feel I must clarify something I said about two chapter sets back.  
  
I AM WRITING A SEQEUL, SO QUIT ASKING IF I WILL! IT'S A WORK IN PROGRESS THAT CURRENTLY LACKS PLOT BEYOND SMUT VISIONS IN MY HEAD!   
  
And since I love you all too much to write pure smut and exclude lovely Jane from the story, I am not going to post anything smutty here. Besides, I'd probably get banned for doing so, no matter how good the smut.   
  
So I love you all, I'm working on the plot, and the title, TENTATIVELY will be: Threads in the Tapestry. This may turn into a weird trilogy of some kind. That is all for now. Please keep your eyes out for any further updates on the progress or lackthereof on the sequel. 


End file.
